1. I vow to be present and authentic in and apart from our relationship.
Authentic means true to my feelings, wishes, goals and moment by moment inclinations.
It does not demand of you to match, join, or even approve of my authentic self.
And most especially, authentic does not include the cowardly "honesty" of complaining about what's going on in me and blaming that on you.
2. I vow to have zero tolerance for any complaining about you from me. I.e. not to do it.
Ever.
3. I do vow to be honest in my feelings, rather than repressed. To combine this with #2, I vow to state my feelings only in this shortened form:
"I feel angry." Period. No "because you..."
"I feel sad." Period. No "because you..."
4. I vow to take total responsibility for all the "because-s" after any feelings I have.
These usually include some or all of these:
a. lack of being present
b. a story about how the other is not (and should) match some picture in my mind
c. a trigger from some past "wound," which means an area I haven't "done" the Work on yet.
d. a cowardly attempt/ habit to blame others outside for what I feel inside.
5. I vow to do the Work ( the Work of Byron Katie, TheWork.com) on any and all of my stories.
6. I vow to commit myself to your happiness, to your achieving your life goals and wishes, to your need for space, time and respect.
7. I vow to listen when you wish to communicate. Fully. In the present. No interrupting. No interpreting.
8. I vow not to interpret any of your behavior, thinking or feeling, unless you are doing some inner work and ASK for this.
9. These are my vows.
You can join them or not. I invite you to, and that's your business.
I you join them, I vow not to nag, scold, or even point out when you "fail" to meet them.
10. On the other hand, I vow to listen to your observations about when and how I have missed the mark on keeping them.
11. I vow to make requests, not demands. Which means I vow to honor and even enjoy any and all "no's" to my requests, as what they are: you exercising your right and joy to be precisely the one whom I love: you being exactly yourself, moment by moment.
Authentic means true to my feelings, wishes, goals and moment by moment inclinations.
It does not demand of you to match, join, or even approve of my authentic self.
And most especially, authentic does not include the cowardly "honesty" of complaining about what's going on in me and blaming that on you.
2. I vow to have zero tolerance for any complaining about you from me. I.e. not to do it.
Ever.
3. I do vow to be honest in my feelings, rather than repressed. To combine this with #2, I vow to state my feelings only in this shortened form:
"I feel angry." Period. No "because you..."
"I feel sad." Period. No "because you..."
4. I vow to take total responsibility for all the "because-s" after any feelings I have.
These usually include some or all of these:
a. lack of being present
b. a story about how the other is not (and should) match some picture in my mind
c. a trigger from some past "wound," which means an area I haven't "done" the Work on yet.
d. a cowardly attempt/ habit to blame others outside for what I feel inside.
5. I vow to do the Work ( the Work of Byron Katie, TheWork.com) on any and all of my stories.
6. I vow to commit myself to your happiness, to your achieving your life goals and wishes, to your need for space, time and respect.
7. I vow to listen when you wish to communicate. Fully. In the present. No interrupting. No interpreting.
8. I vow not to interpret any of your behavior, thinking or feeling, unless you are doing some inner work and ASK for this.
9. These are my vows.
You can join them or not. I invite you to, and that's your business.
I you join them, I vow not to nag, scold, or even point out when you "fail" to meet them.
10. On the other hand, I vow to listen to your observations about when and how I have missed the mark on keeping them.
11. I vow to make requests, not demands. Which means I vow to honor and even enjoy any and all "no's" to my requests, as what they are: you exercising your right and joy to be precisely the one whom I love: you being exactly yourself, moment by moment.
12.To speak the truth.
This was in #3. As in saying this, which could be true:
"I feel angry."
Rather than this, which is a lie: "I feel angry because you ...."
The real truth is "I let my anger come out when I tell myself the story that you should...
A deeper truth could be: I allow my anger to run me, because then I don't have to be responsible for how "out of control" I feel when I allow myself to unconditionally love you, which is territory I never saw inhabited by my parents.
And to speak the truth means more:
"I want to be a big baby and have you all to myself."
"I want you to worship and adore me, when I want attention,
and I want to be ignored and let alone when I want time to myself."
"I want you to read my mind,
and know what I want without me having to articulate it."
I.e. To speak the humorous truth of my own self centered nonsense.
Which is to say the egoic mind, the me, me, me fellow who thinks it is
Me vs the world.
La, la.
To speak the truth of my lies, any lie that demands another be under my control.
13. I vow to live an awakened life.
As much as I can.
And I vow to create conditions for you to live an awakened life.
As much as you wish.
This does NOT mean lectures, advice, programs. It means listening. Being curious. Searching for an awareness of the unique brilliance of your being alive, right now.
As I can vow to connect with the unique brilliance of my being alive, right now.
Good
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