Waiting

                              

the other person loves you
they know it

or they don't know it

sometimes you, me, one just has to wait
for them to remember

and what's the best way
to help them along

love them,
of course

Coomunication: From sh...t, to ahaa, something like love, at least learning and listening

Let's say this is happening:
You are talking with someone.

They are disgruntled with you.
You are disgruntled with them.

This happens, you know.

And what's a "waking up" kind of person,
an "on the way to enlightenment" person to do?

Relax.

Remember that the story: "This is supposed to be going
better is just a story."

Shift:
To the present.
To curiosity.
To honesty.

Try the truth,
From the present: I'm feeling uncomfortable with how this is going,
in my chest, and in my breathing and in my story that "you should be different"

Try curiosity:
I wonder what the secret war we are up to is.
Or, I wonder how we're into I'm right , you're wrong land.
Or, I wonder if we could do this differently.

Try honesty:
Part of me just wants to win this argument,
another part wants to have peace and love.

I'm not sure what to do, but I suspect we need to do something different.

Try connecting:
What do you think is missing?
What would you like that you think you aren't getting?

Something like that.

That's the start.

There's more.

Come to my workshop, if you are in Austin,
May 3, 6-8 PM
Reduced rates today, April 25 and tomorrow.
$30 first person in relationship, business, group,
$20 second.

Price at door: $50/ $35.

The aim of the workshop:
Double income
Double relationship happiness
Double "enlightenment"

See page at Awareness Equals Freedom for the
pay pal thingies.

the importance of love, 33

We wake up
one day
or part of one day
or
Right Now

and realize:
I am
I am alive, whatever that "alive" is

and it feels so good
we want to share it
with someone
hug someone
laugh with smile with joke with dance with prance with
hop skip and jump
or
just walk

or even better: lolligag
with another, backs on the grass,
or butts on the stream bank
watching the water
watching the clouds

glad to be alive
together

and there are problems to be solved
money to be made
conflicts to be resolved
pains to be understand and transformed

there is a world to be healed
and waters to be restored
and oceans and indigenous plants and people to
be "saved"

and still
you and a loved one
walk dance hug loving
lolligaging,
talking the truth,
but the slow real truth about you,
not the "you need to fix this" pseudo-truth about them

just you and the friend
in love

that's a nice part
of a nice
day

wishing these for you,
many parts
in
many days

Eating better, could shift, no matke it easier for you to shift, your mood, and YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT ATE

This is inspired by watching my friend,
George Altgelt,
owner and proprietor of GeoGrowers soil making company
near Austin/Fredricksburg,Texas
talk about how important feeding our soil is.

The VIDEO interview with him is here:
INTERVIEW WITH GEORGE ALTGELT

The point is that if you feed the soil, then your vegetables, and trees
and flowers will be so much happier.

YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT ATE

Feed your spinach organic soil and it will have 83 times more iron than
inorganic spinach.

Feed the meat you eat grass and they will be an omega-3 shot for brain and protein blast for your body.

Feed them the normal feedlot, stress life and GMO food and they will be a cancer bomb.

PS: These statements have not been validated by the FDA, but the 83 times iron is from published research of which George, above mentioned, actually knows the specific source.  

So, what is this blog posting about?

YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT ATE

Day Two: Life is what is Now: What is it?

Day Two is a deepening of day one.
Here's the exercise.
Go slow. Go slowly. Go slower.

If you are alone. Think of another person. Someone you love. Someone you hate. Someone you want to feel better about. Someone you want to understand better. Someone you want to help. Someone you think has "done you wrong."

Pick just one person, and imagine them in front of you while you do this. Imagine looking into each others' eyes.

1. Breathe.
Follow your breathing.
Notice the other person's breath.
Match their breathing.

This will be shorthanded in the following as:
Breathe.
Notice.
Match.

After matching for awhile:
Say: "I am alive."
And then match breathing a bit more.
Say: "You are alive."
Match.

2. Now, in one sentence increments say:
"This is what it's like being alive, right now."
Only report on your immediate experience.

If thoughts of the past come up, say, frustration at work,
do not say,
"To be alive right now is to be frustrated at work."
Say: "To be alive right now is to have memories/ thoughts of work, and when I have those thoughts I feel ....."

Between each reporting of your life in the moment, go back to
Breathe.
Notice.
Match.

Then say the next: "This is what it is to be alive right now."

Do this three or four sentences, but no more.

Then just be quiet and notice you aliveness
AND their aliveness.

3. Say this truth:
"I am going to die someday."
Breathe.
Notice.
Match.
"You are going to die someday."
Breathe.
Notice.
Match.

4. And then one more sentence:
"This is what it is like to be alive right now....."

5. A final
Breathe.
Notice.
Match.

And then trade turns.

Go slow.
Did I say that.
Go slower and be present.

Let this sink in.
This is all you really need to know.
So, in case you missed the hints: go slowly, and
Breathe.
Notice.
Match.

Good.

when waiting for an "i love you"

sometimes we are silly
or
maybe we should call it confused
or
even insane
but we can say that insane in the nicest possible way

and that silliness/ confusion/ insanity
goes like this:
"You should send an
'I love you'
my way."

This can be of someone we are "with"
or
someone we haven't met
but we are feeling deprived

can be a wife a husband boy/girlfriend
business chum
high school buddy
all that

we have that
naked and empty feeling
and they
whatever
they

(you know we are single
and waiting for sex to prove we
are okay,
or the smile of liking us,
or anything, anything wanting that
"I love you"
that coming from the best of all real Mom's
would just mean:

it's okay
you're okay

you're more than okay:
you're perfect)

and as we wait,
if we come to the present
and go the the quiet underneath
words
and concepts
and even (in a different way)
underneath "feelings"

if we go quiet
and listen:

the whole universe is
whispering:

I love you

and that whisper is
coming from deepest us
to the rest of us

from deepest us to everyone in the world
plus trees
roses
rocks
cars
gutters
spit slime and gore

the i love you
can't stop
everything is so fine
because we
are the everything
we see hear taste touch know
about
don't know about

it gets kind of blury
in the mystical mess bliss
and
so
f...ing what

life is whole
and the i love you is life whisper shout murmer sing
dancing to us:

I love you

it's everywhere

and if you've read this far,
here's your reward:

anything we are looking for
"out there"
is already "in here"
in the God
that is our heart
when it is a real
heart,
a receiving and transmitting
miracle maker
of
love happiness peace joy abundance bliss creativity

you want it
and
zap
it is you
it is the universe

you are the unirverse is you reverse direction
so many times you don't know
where you are going

and it
doesn't matter
 d
die before you die
you are already home
dead
and gone
to heaven

the kingdom of heaven
is
now
is
in your heart my heart the tree's heart the rock's heart the busy city street's heart
the baby smiling
saying
really
all the people are saying
in the wonderful world song:
they're really saying:
I love you

just soften
slow
listen to the whisper inside the silence

is that
"I love you?" gurgling into
your heart
or
out of it

or into every cell of your body
or out through them

keep turning
keep returning

the dance is sweet
the whirl is complete

and is so fine
to keep turning returning praise laughing loving tears

love is an inside joy
love is an inside job
live is love is like is life is...
words fall
the heart soars

life
lives and loves
itself

and we are just along
for the ride/ dance/ lovemaking love making
song symphony garden forest meadow
ocean
of
it all

of thanks
thanks
thanks

good

Day Four: This is now, this is important, for this I'm grateful

(All the days won't be posted here.
The book will soon be for sale.
A three hour intensive retreat for couples who want to double their happiness,
or cut in half their unhappiness,
will be based on some of the exercises,
plus for the in person work, movement/ brain/ upgrade and happiness "games" will be enjoyed between each
"emotional/ heart upgrade" activity. )

Day four:
As per each day, sit in two chairs facing each other, or
across a table,
or out on the grass sitting facing each other.

Come into the present.

Take turns.

The first person reports on

1) Their present experience at three levels:
Body and shape and gravity: ("I notice my feet pressing the floor and my arms shaped like...)
Torso and breathing ("I notice the air coming in and out of my chest area, and a bit into my belly")
And sound: " I hear...."
2) Their present observing the other with no interpretations:
"I see you eyes. " " I see your white shirt."
If the other is smiling, " I see your smile,"  But not even, "You look happy." Just pure fcts

3) The a statement of what is important,
"It is important to me that ......."

4) A statement of gratitude,
"I am grateful for....."

5) Once more saying present based observations:
body, torso and hearing about our experience; light and image about what we see of the other in the present

Changing around:
The second person feeds back what they heard in #3 and #4:
"I heard you say, This was important to you.
I heard you say, You are grateful for ...."

Then the second person speaks the above 5 steps to the first person.

..........
Going back and forth so each person has at least 3 turns seems a minimum grand action for today.
Or any day.

Day One: Honoring the Life of Another

This is day one of a twenty one day book:
Twenty One Days to Relationship Heaven.

It will be, as much as anything else, a manual of how to use
relationship "issues"
as a springboard for Enlightenment.

Sometimes it will be written in straight go-ahead sentences.

And sometimes,
not.

Here's the exercise/ game/ action/ meditation/ contemplation for the first day.

Sit down with a person with whom you wish to create greater love.

If you are divorced or have had a rocky separation, or even an "easy" separation, do this an imaginary other person, unless they will come join you on one or all of the twenty one days.

But do each day's game.

Here's today's:

Either sit across from each other, or sit across from an imaginary X.

Take turns saying this while looking into each others' eyes, or imagining looking into the eyes of the X.

"I am alive.

You are alive.

I am going to die someday.

You are going to die someday.

I love, honor and cherish you."

Pause between each phrase.

And if you have a complaint, or are angry at the one you are doing this with, so be it: say the words, "I love, honor and cherish you."

Even if you are going to get a divorce tomorrow, say the words.

Even if you got a divorce and they treated you horribly and you are bitter and wounded (which you won't be at the end of the 21 days), say the words. Whisper the words, but say them out loud, while looking into the other person's eyes, whether real eyes, or imaginary ones.

And, if you want to have a good relationship, and you are in a new one, after doing this "in the real world" with your present partner, do this in imaginary back and forth with your X. Even if the X was years ago.

And, if you are doing with with an imaginary X, have them say the words to you too:

"I am alive.

You are alive.

I am going to die someday.

You are going to die someday.

I love, honor and cherish you."

Imagine them looking into your eyes and saying this.

And for everyone, real person or imaginary:
go back and forth with this at least three times.

And it's fair, fine and maybe even recommended to do it one more time today,
just before you go to bed, or while in bed, before you go to sleep.

Or something else.

Good.

Other people love us, and sometimes they forget

So much of life
is so agonized by wising, wanting, demanding
that some one,
or some ones
appreciate or love or approve of us more.


Trick and truth is:
they do love us.
They may be capable of appreciating us.
They may have the generosity to approve of us.
They may not.

And they do love us.

They just don't know it.

This is an exercise from the book, for sale to the right:
And it's a doozy.

Take someone with whom things seem not to be "going so well,"
and write a if from them to you,
a pretend
letter
to you.


In that letter say exactly what you want to hear.

This is them.

If the letter is kind and loving and apologetic and open
and insightful and seeing how you and they are the same,
and admiring and loving you.

This is who they really are.

You'll feel it.
You'll notice it.

They might never notice nor ever feel this love.

Oh, well.
It's there.

Life is good.

Just relax when someone can't come through with the goods.

Life is good.

They would love you if they could.

They are afraid,
or don't know how to love,
or are afraid to love more,
or afraid to love at all,
or never really learned how to love.

And where are they going to learn?

You loving them, even when they forget that
they love
you.

That's one way they'll learn.

And another: they'll discover the pain of not loving themselves,
and stop.
If they are wise and alert and notice what's what.

If not, they'll keep suffering and
not yet knowing how to love you,
and so be it.

Love them all you can.

They are you, when you forget how much
love you have.

When you forget how much love,
you
are.

Good.

Loneliness is a Blessing in Disguise

You are in a relationship, and your partner goes away for awhile.
And you're lonely.

You have a relationship, and you or your partner (or both)
decide it's time to end it, and
you are lonely.

You haven't been with a partner in a long time,
or can only find partners that turn out to be contentious,
or duplicitous, or boring, or ...., and the relationships don't last long,
and you long for a Real Relationship,
and you
are
Lonely.

And in all these cases, you get a marvelous chance to discover
what it is like to love.

To love yourself as all the cliche´s say.
That really isn't it, but we might as well get this one out of the way.

Most lonely people, and this isn't going to sound right,
but
oh, well,
are lonely at least in part because they are selfish.
In a way they "love themselves" too much, in the sense
that they,
like you and me and everyone,
fall prey to the me, me, me disease,
and want things to go their way.

And when things don't go their way,
they cause a stink, and the partner gets sick of them
and leaves,
or they are so precious that they have to leave the partner
because they didn't get their way.

This sounds harsh,
but think of it
as oh, so human.

The human condition:
we imagine that other people have a purpose in the universe
and that purpose
is to help us feel good or comfortable or happy or safe
or...
what WE want to feel.

And sometimes, darn them,
they just forget what they are "supposed" to be doing
and actually think that THEY are the center of the Universe.

You can see how this might cause problems.

If it weren't for sex and children, and fear of loneliness,
relationships could probably never last more than a couple
of weeks.

And now we are back to loneliness again.

Do you get lonely walking in the woods,
or in a beautiful meadow?

Usually not. We feel at one with Nature,
and we aren't demanding that the wildflowers
like us more or appreciate us more or lose weight.

We can love Nature for what it is.

This is the kind of self love we need, too.

Are we sad?
Love the sadness.

Are we afraid we will never find a partner?
Love the fear.

Are we bored?
Love the boredom.

Do we wish we could make less mistakes?
Love the learning of HOW we went about making the mistakes,
why we went about making the mistakes, and even ( or maybe especially),
how the mistakes were lessons for us.

So we are alone.

Time to think,
and watch our thinking.

Do we think kind thoughts about ourselves?
Not boastful thoughts, though that isn't the biggest crime in the world,
but kind as in: you are a good person. You are able to learn. You have these interests.
You are learning this and that and that. This is what you enjoy: how about spending more time doing the things you enjoy. This job doesn't really make you happy, how about looking for another one, or thinking about what you really want to do.

If we have unkind thoughts, this is were the fear of loneliness comes in.
Being alone is fine, but if we use the time beating ourselves up inside,
then life gets grueling.

And one thing we can beat ourselves up about is the idea:
I should have a partner right now.

I won't go into the Work of Byron Katie just now.
It's easy to find: thework.com
And if you google my blogs and the work of byron katie you'll find
plenty of essays.
Or buy my book, which lays it out over many smaller chapters.
Or buy Katie's book.

But for now:
this is a gift we can all give ourselves in any lonely moment:
to take the thought that "I'm not okay just here, by myself"
and ask:
Is it true?

If you have a partner and they are off doing something they enjoy
or want
or need
to do, doesn't love recommend loving their doing that,
and self love recommend you enjoy the time free.

Same when loved ones and you have parted ways.

You are spared the troubled times.

You have time to meditate and practice loving
every moment of every day.

When you get even halfway good at that,
so many people will want to be in your company you'll be shocked
and pleased,
and have to use astute heart and mind intelligence to find with whom
you will have the most wonderful time together.

Hint: find someone who is not afraid to be alone.
They won't cling to you.
And since, if you know how to at least halfway love everything
you do,
in partnership or alone,
you won't be afraid to be alone.

And so when you are together,
it can be love time,
not hiding from fear of loneliness time.

That seems like an improvement,
don't you think?

What to do when your Lover isn't Perfect?

Sometimes there are trick questions, and this is one:
What to do when your Lover isn't Perfect?

Because the answer is contained in the question.
Take our the r from Lover and you have what to do?
Love.
Love them.

Think about it: when does someone need love most?
When they are tip top full of vim and vigor and their most charming lovable selves?

Or when they are a bit pissy or selfish, or even mean?

I mean, we all have the mean moments. And never from sitting down and deciding:
damn, I'm bored, I'm going to be a real rat for awhile.

Nope.
We are feeling down about ourselves,
or stuck in our work,
or feeling wounded by someone else,
or some memory from the past,
and suddenly, an innocent (or maybe not so innocent, that doesn't matter)
comes along,
and zap:
we send them a little mean juice.
Say a mean thing.
Give them a look.
Ignore.
Use the tone of voice.

You know the stuff we pull when we aren't tip top.

And that's when we need our Lover, our Friend, our Mate,
to step back
and wonder… ˙Hey, what's eating you? Is something wrong?
Do you need something? Some time? A hug? Some praise? Some listening?

And so,
that's what to do when your Lover isn't perfect:
Love them.

And ask some slow, gentle, curious, caring questions.

That's all.

(And that's a lot).